Tenacity to Purpose

On the 20 th of December 2017, I earned my Bachelor of Science Degree in Occupational Therapy. It was a long and eventful four years, and when the day of my graduation finally came I felt as if it was a dream. I won’t lie to you, there were moments when I felt like the end was going to come, but I just wasn’t sure if I was going to make it. There were long stretches of time where I would just wake up and go about my day with zero enthusiasm for anything. Now that I am a graduate, from the best university in Africa, I don’t know which feeling is greater. The feeling of gratitude or the feeling that this is just the beginning. On the afternoon of my last exam, I sat on my couch with the adrenaline from finishing finally wearing off. The feeling of “this is the end” finally rested in my mind, and I sat there trying to count all the things that I was grateful to God for. If I had to go through every year from 2014 to date, I would need another four years to document it all. But in th...

From the time that I was little, I have always found myself in leadership positions. Most of these positions were not by choice, I would be nominated or just given a position. Even as an older sister to my siblings, that was a leadership position that I didn't necessarily apply for but I got anyways. I won't lie though, I love being a leader and I definitely get it from my dad who has always been a great example. Throughout the years though, I became more and more reluctant to take up leadership positions because let's be honest, kids can be mean, and nobody wants to be friends with the class captain (a.k.a snitch of the class, a.k.a teacher's right hand). Over the years I have realised that as much as you try, you cannot run away from yourself. You cannot run away from your gifts, talents and the roles that you were born to play. There may be seasons in which you do not use them as fully as you did in the previous seasons, but I can you tell you that if you were born...

Like little children we hid in the kitchen, next to the cutlery box. We were looking out the window, watching the trees dance in the wind. We didn’t want to look at each other in the eyes because that would Just be asking the tears that were already dancing on the corner Of our eyes to RSVP and come to the party. We were numb. We took turns catching our tears before they reached our chins. We comforted each other like plane crash survivors, each with Injuries of their own but just enough strength to reach out and rub The other’s back. The numbness was quickly fading away. The adrenaline rush kicked in and coping strategies rushed into our frontal lobes. This is what we do. We distract ourselves with to do lists and plates Full of food when life demands that we feel p… When life demands that we feel pa.. When life demands that we feel pai. When life demands that we feel pain. In an attempt to be strong for others we fail ourselves. We force ourselv...

I have come to realise that as people we get used to substandard love and treatment from those around us. This can be in friendships, in relationships, even in working relationships with colleagues. Humans are flawed, that’s just how it is. In my own life I have realised that you never stop learning how to love others well, and you never stop learning how to be loved well. I have noticed that once a person has had a bad experience with someone either mistreating them or not showing real love, they tend to have a hard time being on the receiving end of good treatment and true love as a result.  This change, is not as a result of not being able to spot the difference between good and bad treatment. No. It is as a result of not seeing themselves as worthy of receiving that love, and also being afraid that this new and good treatment will not last. There’s that thought at the back of their minds that this treatment is too good to be true and cannot be maintained. We get so used to...

We dress up, not to fess up but to put on the scene of the day. Smiles and hugs when you just want to cry out for help. We're born actors with academy awards lining up the bathroom floors that catch our tears. What's the use of lipstick when it's just covering the cracks in our speech. What's perfume and cologne when they're just covering up the stench of our septic wounds.  We flatter each other with the batting of eye lashes and pleasantries, while the inner child is waiting for the perfect time to cry wolf.  We apply make up to our wounds and put on our superhero outfits like people who can fix the world when our worlds are falling apart. We're told to hold it together even when there are too many pieces to keep track of. We're told to just give it time but we don't even have time to catch our breaths and acknowledge what it is that we're feeling. Like pain, disappointment, discouragement, exhaustion, even feeling numb is a feeling. So how a...

Once she stopped focusing on the cracks on the sidewalk,  she looked up and realised that the sun had always been shining.  She did not know when it happened but there came a time  where she lost the confidence to keep her head up. Instead,  she began tracking the movement of her feet  as she moved through life. Focusing on her feet caused her to see the flaws in her walk.  The veins in her feet. How crooked the third toe on her left foot actually was.  And how dirty her white all stars were.  She forgot what it felt like to lift up her face to the sky.  She forgot what it felt like to gaze at the blue sky and lose track of time. Her imagination and creativity had dwindled,  because all she saw was the rhythm of her steps,  the dirt on the side of the road and withered flowers resting on the pavement.  Not much to write about when all you’re focusing on is the cracks on the sidewalk. At firs...

I'm sure that it is every human beings' wish that they be given a get out of jail card when it comes to the different struggles that we go through in life. I know of very few people who get excited when life throws them a curve ball that has them feeling like they just received a punch to the stomach. Trials and tribulations are a part of life, and some trials are bigger than others. Sometimes they'll have you thinking that everybody else's struggles look easy or light compared to yours. But there's probably someone looking at you and thinking that your troubles look like paradise compared to theirs. The other week I kept getting the thought that whenever we ask God for something, especially character traits, He will send us challenges that will build that character trait. For example, if you ask for patience, you will be placed in situations with other people where you are forced to exercise patience. If you want a muscle to grow you have to exercise it frequen...

I've always found it hard to just slow down and rest. Even as a young child, I was involved in everything possible. Sports, cultural evening, concerts, camp. If you can name it, I probably did it. Resting has never come easy to me. I think that I partly get it from my dad because he works so hard, always has. I've also always found it hard to totally switch off from the world. I once forgot my phone at home and I honestly couldn't function. I don't wear a watch, so you can imagine that my orientation was way off for the day. As a student, if I miss one email from a lecturer or an announcement about the venue for my next lecture, you can see how that has the potential to mess up my day. I have found out though, that not resting has a way of catching up with you. It catches up with you physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. One could literally work themselves into a nervous breakdown, a stroke or a coma. That was a bit dramatic, but I think you...

On the topic of success , I have plenty to say. Not because I have succeed in a lot of things, but because I've failed and opened myself up to correction. As I mentioned last week that the definition of success that I found in the dictionary left a lot to be desired . M y sisters did such an amazing job of opening up to us and letting us into t heir world and their thinking with regard to this phenomenon. I was really inspired because they all made it clear that success is not only tied to financial security, which is what most people equate success to. Here’s what I have to say about success. From a very young age I knew that my definition of success was not the same as other people . I decided long ago that I would never subscribe to the world's narrow view of this phenomenon. Even when I was applying for university, salary packages were never a deciding factor for me. Standing a few months away from graduation I now wonder whether that was smart or not. But the...

For a couple of weeks now I’ve been grappling with what success looks like, what success means to different people. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines success as a favourable or desired outcome; also: the attainment of wealth, favour or eminence. I was not satisfied by this definition because I felt that it was not an inclusive enough definition. It was too broad and too narrow at the same time. I like picking people’s brains, and I am blessed to be surrounded by sisters who continue to add value to my life. So I picked four beautiful minds in an attempt  to get a better picture of this success thing. Featured on today’s blog is my beautiful and awesome sister, Refiloe Mathibe. My best friend of 13 years, Kearabilwe Mollik. My sister from another mister, Shaana Muro. And my homie with the brightest smile, Beauty Ngcobo. These are the questions that I asked them, and this is what they had to say: What's your definition of success? What's success to you? How do you not ...

I think that every student has experienced what is known as the last paper syndrome . When you know that you’re about to reach your finish line, you’re about to face the last hurdle but you just don’t have the energy to start studying. Last Paper Syndrome or LPS , as defined by Syahmi Sazali, is a mental distraction for those who are having their last paper but already have the feeling of starting their holiday early and not studying at all. AT ALL . Procrastination reaches exponential levels and everything except actual studying is done. I know people who even start packing their bags to go home instead of studying! That’s how intense last paper syndrome can be. I think that last paper syndrome can be seen in many areas of our lives. Think about it. When you’re cooking an elaborate Sunday lunch and you get down to having to make that last salad. Does that thought of rather skipping it not cross your mind? You probably convince yourself and say “nah, if I add one more salad the pl...

Hebrews 10:35 “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.” (NIV) Have there been times in your life where you were certain that you were supposed to do something, and then you failed miserably at it? When you thought that the road that you were on was the right one, but then it all came crashing down, and not in a small way…more like a train crash that ended in a fire? Well, I’ve been there too. I’ve found myself either sitting on the floor or sitting in bed with a snack (yes, I eat in bed, don’t judge me) and not knowing where I went wrong. The thing about failure is that it does not discriminate. It can tackle any aspect of life. It can be at work, with an art project, an exam, a mixtape, a friendship, a marriage. It can sucker punch at any turn. Truth be told, at moments like that it’s easy to give up. It’s easy to listen to all the haters that kept telling you that it wouldn’t work. In moments like that it’s easy to think that maybe you had read the whole...

I have a two year old niece, who is full of energy and love. Her vocabulary is growing by the day, which is both exciting and amusing because her pronunciation is sometimes wrong. But what has been most clear is that she only says words that she hears frequently at home. I think that along with the terrible twos comes the parrot phase, where she literally repeats everything that we say. She goes to day care now and she seems to be loving it. But once in a while she comes back with a couple new words in her vocabulary. Sometimes it takes us a while to figure out where she learns these new words, especially if they are words that we hardly use around the house. This has me thinking that God as our Father wants to fill our minds, hearts and mouths with His Word. When we come to Him and say words that He has not taught us, I imagine He gets just as surprised as my family does when my niece comes home with new vocab that we didn't teach her. Sometimes the new words let us in on how...

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 New Living Translation (NLT) 9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. I have to say that this year has been one of the hardest years I have ever had to go through. It has been the hardest year emotionally, spiritually, and academically. I have been pushed in ways that I never knew were possible. I’ve been pushed physically and mentally. I have been tired in ways that I never knew a human being can be tired. I got to a point where I was just so overwhelmed and so tired that pouring into other people became really hard. I no longer had the patience to l...

Welcome to our last instalment of the Through the Eyes of Men series! I trust that it has been just as exciting and eye opening for you as it has for me. Over the past three weeks we got the opportunity to ask three men, from three different backgrounds, of different ages and cultures, what their view of women is. We also got a chance to find out how they would go about changing the increased violence against women and children. Today I will be weighing up on some of the things that they shared, picking out themes and giving my two cents on the topic at hand. When the idea for this series came, I had no idea what narratives would come out. What has been evident though is that everything is indeed a story. Nothing changes or happens overnight. There’s always a seed that’s planted, and then from that comes a journey that will bring about an end product. The fact that there is a 30 year age gap between my Dad, Dany and Zakes, showed me how the mindset of society can really transform ...

We've made it to week three of our wonderful series, and I don't know about you but I've already gained so much insight from the last two blogs, and this one is about to shed even more light. Next week I'll be giving a summary and commentary of the series as a whole. But for today we have Zakes on the blog. He is a great friend of mine, let's see what riches his narrative has for us. Q 1: What did the people around you while you were young (father, mother, friends, teachers), teach you about what a woman is and how a man is to treat a woman? Zakes: I grew up in a house where my father would get drunk over the weekends, and he’d come home and beat my mom up. I used to sit in my room as a child and pray that he wouldn’t come home drunk, and if he was already drunk I prayed that he wouldn’t come back home. Being in that situation made me believe in God, I prayed to Him constantly. Growing up in a house where abuse on a woman was frequent I learnt that a woman is...

We're back with part two of our new series!!! If you haven't checked out last week's blog, go back to that one so that you can be clued up on what this series is about. Today we have my good friend Dany Matangwa. Let's take a look into his insights on the topic at hand.  Q1: What did the people around you while you were young (father, mother, friends, teachers for example), teach you (verbally) about what a woman is, and how a man is to treat a woman? DM: Honestly, I don't remember a time when someone sat me down to teach me anything about women. Looking at the way my community interacted with women, though--especially those who weren't old enough to be their mothers--I could always sense a feeling of superiority coming from men. We were raised to think ourselves superior and more valuable. Q2: Was what was taught to you (verbally) what you saw being modelled? DM: I wasn't told much about women except the fact that I was superior, and that f...

Over the past few weeks I have been grappling with thoughts around men and the way they were brought up and taught about what a woman is and how to treat a woman. I have invited three men to share their stories and thoughts around this topic, especially considering the recent increase in violence towards women and children. First up is my father, Mr. Matsome Mathibe! At the end of the three weeks I will then give my own comments and thoughts on what they have shared.  Q 1: What did the people around you while you were young (father, mother, friends, teachers), teach you about what a woman is and how a man is to treat a woman? MM: Growing up in the dusty streets of Mabopane, Law and Order was the order of the day. Any child was raised by the community, corporal punishment at school was active and [so was] instilling discipline. I was taught to love myself first, wash twice a day and wear clean clothes daily. I was very close to my Mom from standard 3 to standard 7, and I wa...

Every day she wakes up a nd thanks God for the breath in her lungs. S he feels the warmth Of the water on her skin a nd washes away the insults of yesterday. She unlocks the door a nd steps outside. A security measure that s ometimes doesn’t even feel like much. Because w hat’s a lock compared To muscles and determination? She walks out onto The street, and looks both sides. As if about to cross the road But, she’s just checking the coast b efore heading off. She takes the same route every day, But she still takes a moment to decide i f she should  walk in the middle o f the road or on the sidewalk. The sidewalk might conceal her b ut it could already  be concealing  somebody else. The middle will expose her even more. But at least she’ll see anyone coming from any side. With every step, she utters a word t o God.  Trying to distract herself from t he fear  that is rising up inside of her. She thanks Him for always be...