Through the Eyes of Men -The Finale

Welcome to our last instalment of the Through the Eyes of Men series! I trust that it has been just as exciting and eye opening for you as it has for me. Over the past three weeks we got the opportunity to ask three men, from three different backgrounds, of different ages and cultures, what their view of women is. We also got a chance to find out how they would go about changing the increased violence against women and children. Today I will be weighing up on some of the things that they shared, picking out themes and giving my two cents on the topic at hand.

When the idea for this series came, I had no idea what narratives would come out. What has been evident though is that everything is indeed a story. Nothing changes or happens overnight. There’s always a seed that’s planted, and then from that comes a journey that will bring about an end product. The fact that there is a 30 year age gap between my Dad, Dany and Zakes, showed me how the mindset of society can really transform in a matter of years. In my Dad’s younger days, they were taught to protect women and cherish them, whereas Dany and Zakes grew up in a time where a woman was to be dominated and oppressed.

Social media has had a great influence on this because everywhere that you look women are being portrayed as sex symbols. The less clothes there are on a body on the cover of a magazine, the more copies they will sell. Whereas 30 years ago, there was only one house on the street that had a tv, and even then, women were portrayed differently. You can imagine that being a young boy growing up in a time where tv is the new babysitter, and most of what you see are things that objectify women. This will for sure have an impact on how you view and appreciate women.  It is just like the saying that my Dad shared, that proper guidance while young will go a long way and will be permanent. I think that the same can be said about ill guidance.

The family unit is a theme that came out from all three men. It all starts and ends with the family unit. Oftentimes any crisis that shows up in society can be traced back down to the family unit. There are a lot of children who are fatherless, not because their fathers passed away. There are a lot of women who have been left alone to be the mother and father of a household. There are children who end up being groomed and raised by their friends, or boys older than them because those are the only male figures they have in their lives. How are we getting it so wrong?

Through the series I have just been soaking and meditating on Ephesians 5:22-33, and I like it best in the Message translation, where it says:

“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favour—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honour her husband.”

I chose to emphasise certain parts, because to me this is what it means to be a man. To cherish and not dominate, to focus on giving and not getting, to evoke beauty through words, and to bring out the best in her. It’s the not so easy things to do that are often times the right thing to do. It’s easy to beat a woman, and to continuously take from her emotionally and physically. But it’s one thing to wake up every morning and choose to make her more beautiful with your words and actions. It’s another thing to choose to cultivate her and cherish her and to show her the beauty and possibilities that you see when you look at her. Not with eyes filled with lust, but with an extravagant and selfless love.

A special thanks to my Dad, Dany and Zakes for their honest and amazing stories. Thank you for joining us for this series. Feel free to share your thoughts and comments. Would love to know how this series has impacted you.