Through the Eyes of Men - Part 2

We're back with part two of our new series!!! If you haven't checked out last week's blog, go back to that one so that you can be clued up on what this series is about. Today we have my good friend Dany Matangwa. Let's take a look into his insights on the topic at hand. 

Q1: What did the people around you while you were young (father, mother, friends, teachers for example), teach you (verbally) about what a woman is, and how a man is to treat a woman?

DM: Honestly, I don't remember a time when someone sat me down to teach me anything about women. Looking at the way my community interacted with women, though--especially those who weren't old enough to be their mothers--I could always sense a feeling of superiority coming from men. We were raised to think ourselves superior and more valuable.

Q2: Was what was taught to you (verbally) what you saw being modelled?

DM: I wasn't told much about women except the fact that I was superior, and that fact was clearly modelled by most people around me, at a point where even women expected--and often required--of men to assume their position of "superior." That was what it meant to be a man.

Q3: Did you shift from what was taught to you as you grew older?

DM: As far as I can remember, I've always had a curious spirit, not only wanting to know what was but also constantly trying to understand why things were the way they were. It's in that same spirit that I started questioning the truth behind what I was brought up to believe. The older I got, the less satisfaction I found within some of the traditions I was being raised under, and the more I looked at the women around me, the less I saw myself as "superior" and "more important." Surprisingly, some of the bravest and smartest people I knew where females, and some of the most annoying, foolish, and self-important were males. I figured out way back that value isn't gender-based; it's character-based.

Q4: What is your opinion on the current increased violence towards women and children?

DM: I believe this problem is two fold. The first side of it requires us to go down to the family, which is the smallest unit in society. There we see that the man--especially the African man--has neglected one aspect of his responsibility as male. Most of us see ourselves sitting on top of our wives and children; if family was a building, we'd be the roof. The truth is, men are not just the top, they're the bottom as well. They're not just the roof, they're the foundation too. Rather than being dominators, we were meant to support, sustain, uphold, encourage, and strengthen. We focused on being the top, the roof, the first, and completely overlooked the fact that we're also the bottom, the foundation, the last. That's why so many families are dysfunctional, from an emotional point of view to a financial and often even spiritual one.

The other side of this problem is the way our society objectifies women. Whether you're watching TV, browsing the internet, or driving on the road, everything that is aimed at men uses the image of a women as a symbol of sex, pleasure, and gratification. Consequently, it gets harder and harder for the young man to see women as people who deserve love and respect, and not as things he can use to quickly satisfy his desires and fantasies.

Q5: How do you think that this situation can be changed? (Either by just men or as a society)

DM: I believe nothing in society can be fixed--or even broken--without going down to the family, because whether good or bad, everything start there. For so long more and more men have failed their families, and now more and more women are rising up to take matter in their own hands. While some of them do a great job raising their children, there are always things that only a father figure can give, exactly like there are always those that a mother figure can give. And children begin to go astray when one of these parts has been empty for too long. I've seen some of my friends trying to fill that void with alcohol, drug, sex, and so many other things. People don't start up raping girls or beating women to death, they graduate to it. That's why we should not wait for one of our girls to disappear to suddenly start a campaign of awareness. It starts now, it starts at home. Fathers and mothers have to come together because no government can raise your child for you. They cannot legislate love; it all begins and ends with the family.