Through the Eyes of Men - Part 1

Over the past few weeks I have been grappling with thoughts around men and the way they were brought up and taught about what a woman is and how to treat a woman. I have invited three men to share their stories and thoughts around this topic, especially considering the recent increase in violence towards women and children. First up is my father, Mr. Matsome Mathibe! At the end of the three weeks I will then give my own comments and thoughts on what they have shared. 

Q 1: What did the people around you while you were young (father, mother, friends, teachers), teach you about what a woman is and how a man is to treat a woman?

MM: Growing up in the dusty streets of Mabopane, Law and Order was the order of the day. Any child was raised by the community, corporal punishment at school was active and [so was] instilling discipline. I was taught to love myself first, wash twice a day and wear clean clothes daily. I was very close to my Mom from standard 3 to standard 7, and I was taught to clean the house, wash the dishes, make fire in a coal stove and cleaning the ash the following day. I used to iron bed linens, iron my own clothes, [and] at school the teachers were very strict. On the streets, the community elders were watching us and had the right to discipline us and report any wrong doing to our parents, and I’d get a second beating with[out] question. Our neighbours had an interest in our behaviour and would also take action on any wrong doing. From standard 7 I became closer to my Dad, he taught me to fix cars, how to press trousers. We learned discipline from home, school, community and from the strict police force. That taught us to be responsible boys and to respect our mothers, female teachers and automatically girls, and we were also taught to protect them.

Q 2: Was what was taught to you, what you saw being modelled?

MM: My Dad, male teachers, school principle, our president and the males in our community, were my role models. They had my interests at heart, they were open books and a lot was learned from them. My Dad, for example, was a role model to most boys in our area. How he raised us, how he commanded himself and how disciplined and neat he was. He would buy us fresh bread and 2 litres of milk every day, and buy us groceries every of the month end with a smile.

Q3: Did you shift from what was taught to you as you grew older?

MM: There is a saying in Setswana, that goes “Le ojwa le sa le metsi”, [which] simply means [that] proper guidance at an early age will go a long way and will be permanent. I would not change anything regarding my upbringing, the lesson[s] learned are priceless and to be treasured for life. I am my Father’s copy and that brings joy to my heart and I know that his teachings are visible today and forever.

Q 4: What is your opinion on the current increased violence towards women and children?

MM: Growing up under the supervision of both parents played a very important role in my life. I was able to learn from both my parents, and the lessons learned were empowering. The way [in which] my Dad respected my Mom and vice versa, shaped me. Corporal punishment at school [also] shaped my life. You had to study hard or get punished for laziness. Since the 1994 Government took away corporal punishment and forgot to provide substitution, my take is that they should have continued with army training for all boys at 18. To teach them self-defence, discipline and accountability which will teach them to respect themselves and all living creatures, females included. Most boys today are without leadership qualities and might have learned abuse from abusive role models. Discipline, self-love, and self-respect are the keys to respecting everybody on earth.

Q 5: How do you think that this situation can be changed? (Either by just men or as a society)?

MM: Growing up then, there were single mothers who raised 4 to 5 boys and today they are responsible citizens who respect females and kids. The moral fibre of the nation is decaying at a very high speed. Fathers and Mothers need to unite and bring order back. As a nation, we can achieve more. The government has to reinstate army training and create jobs so that men, boys, girls, and women can work for a living and eradicate lots of idling minds which are becoming the devil’s playground. A busy nation will contribute positively to our beautiful country and its economy. The youth [needs] to be active and healthy, parents [need] to spend more time with their children, and teach them their culture, family values and morals.